confessions. X)

Everybody wants to know...

THE TRUTH.

About?

Well, you tell me.

You people don't even know what you're asking for.

Besides Darren hinting at it. He knows me too well. XP

Remember, I want caramel popcorn, too. XD Just because I'm telling the story doesn't mean I don't get my fair share.

But...don't expect an explosive, headlines-of-the-week kind of thing, okay? XP

Thanks, dear. For listening, your wise words and...everything else. XD Saranghaeyo. You and Eelaine are in nearly the exact same boat/similar triangular diagrams. X) But not me. Not Carmen. XD

Sometimes I think we always know what to say for each other because we never know what to say for ourselves. But that's why God made us friends. :)

Why do some people refuse to go to school? Today was actually fun. :) A few reps from The One Academy came and presented us with fascinating activities. Well, fascinating to me. Stressful to Weng Soon and Eelaine. XD

Art is not a competition, nor does it have any wrong answers, nor is it ever "ugly". Art is an expression of yourself and no one but you have any right to call what comes out of you ugly.

But Weng Soon just looked so cute stressing over his "masterpiece". XD

Speaking of art, if, my dear boy, you intend on wasting your ink printing A4-sized pictures of me and drawing exact replicas of my smexay face, nudge me when you see me online and I'll send you better snapshots of myself to sketch. Oh, and send me a copy when you're done.

In the meantime, you can draw portraits of Rachel, and Sheng Khai, and Wesley, and Weng Soon, and Eelaine as well. XD

Decisions, decisions:

Bible Knowledge vs. English Literature

Teacher Nita vs. Pn. Harminder

Mass Communication vs. Advertising Design

But I think college courses can wait =P.

As for BK vs. Eng. Lit., I don't see any problem in taking both. For fun. Although having to choose a paper for SPM would be a problem. Because whatever I choose, it's a guaranteed A anyway. XP (That's what she said. And she said.)

Don't ask me if I think I can handle it.

I don't think I can handle it.

I want to handle it and I will.

Forget saranghanda, because

I'm still learning the Art of Love,

I'm still trying to not mess up,

So if I stumble let me know...woah

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out

You need to spell it out for me

Because I'm still trying to learn the art of love

Personality quizzes just gave me all the answers to the "So do you like him?" questions. :)

the words are just rolling off my fingers. (editted)

I don't have the answer to everything.
But when it comes to times like this, I wish I did.
I can't stand hearing, reading, watching. But I can't help it.
There's a part of me that's dying to help them. Dying to make them feel better.
Although some of these people just take their life in chunks that are far more problematic that they really are.
Why do I feel such a need to set their heads straight?

On to a lighter topic.
Have you seen the front page of yesterday's Star?
NAJIB: UMNO IS NOT A RACIST PARTY
That is the most b*** I've seen in like, ever. But not as much as the next page.
Najib: True racism would be defined as the Apartheid.
If true racism was Apartheid, does that make every other form of discrimination against other races acceptable? This is morally shocking. My idea of complete freedom from racial bias would be not tolerating even the smallest forms of trying to uphold your race before all others. A.k.a. abolishing all racially classified parties.
I think I've said enough on that.

I've realized I'm going through exactly what he is. So how can you be mad, or let your friends be mad, at a cause you fully understand and face yourself?
But I've also realized that he looks at it like an issue to get off his back. I look at it like a blessing, because this is probably some part of the master plan that's being laid out to make my life as awesome as it possibly can be, providing I use the circumstances to my advantage. It's a matter of opinion, and I can't force him to change his.
Well, life can be a pain for some people if they like. But I wouldn't like that.

Don't think just because you aren't telling me anything I don't know anything. You don't tell things by what you say. You do most of your talking in the manner which you say things, the things you don't say, the way you move, everything else. Don't think I'm one of those ignorant fools who don't notice these kind of things, because I do. Don't think I don't know every one of your hidden intentions.
But to tell you the truth, I don't mind. X)

De-freezing this Cold Storage

I'm going to miss PMR. There goes one week of fond memories, more outstanding ones including the invigilator on the second day helping us out with the ridiculous Science Paper 2 (though she should have checked my second cross-pollination question, my answer was just plain brainless. Don't ask me what it is. I can't stop laughing every time I think of it.), Roze Nn, Monica, Michelle, Shaina, Yun Lynn and I happily revising outside class, giggling the first time we were scanned with the thermometer, laughing over the last question on BM Paper 2 and having the invigilator shut us up, being in the noisiest class where most of the guys cheated on every paper, being able to eat lunch with different people everyday (some of whom I haven't spoken to in months), counting down the days, the hours, the minutes.
A part of me wishes it wasn't over.
Because freedom comes with a price of RM1000++ from my own account. Not including the free chauffeur service, which I really should be paying for.
Money doesn't grow on trees. And I don't mind keeping it that way. Because I've seen and know what it can do to people and I know it can do the same to me. I'd rather work for a living than get off easy because that's what I know will make me become the person I want to be besides it being damn worth the effort.
Speaking of which, I need a job. Besides my long term one. Which, despite being demanding, is (or so I am making myself believe) going to be an experience I'll be wanting more of (I hope). And thus being said, another thing I'll miss about Form 3 is Pn. Norlia.
Really. My voice is not dripping with sarcasm like it usually is.
Teachers, I've realized, are rarely appreciated enough. Because bearing in mind the things Pn. Norlia goes through just to get to school (or at least from what she told us), they put far more dedication into their job than what we expect them to. And no, I'm not taking her side just to bribe her into putting Carmen and I into the same class next year (which she'd better do nonetheless), but we'll be losing a Moral teacher who actually put some effort into teaching us(or at least better than 3BR's).
That doesn't mean I'm taking her advice on the path to my chosen career. Even if I don't score 7A's, which, I would like to confirm no matter how much I want it, I do not deserve.
Or maybe it's just because I don't mind getting a B for BM to assure that there are measures being taken to reassess our marking scheme. Why am I trying to be so justified for our country's own good?
But getting straight A's will not determine success in life, or even what stream I go to next year. My definition of success just isn't academic excellence, financial well-being or having your name in the paper (for the right reasons, of course). I'll have achieved a successful life when I've made a difference (for the better) in at least one other person's life and do not pay police officers to get out of receiving driving tickets.
Since I haven't gotten my licence, I suppose the time is not ripe to judge whether my life is a success or not.

By the way, if your number isn't registered on my phone and you don't introduce yourself, please excuse my ignoring you for fear you might be another one of the three post-PMR stalkers who are back to their favourite pastime of haunting my poor mobile. Like they did the whole of today afternoon. But being me (duh), I've gotten used to random guys messaging or calling me and asking me for confidential information like where I live and whether I'm still single or not.
That doesn't mean it doesn't drive my sister and I insanely up the wall.
Believe me, you do not impress any girl by constantly haunting them and not even telling them your name.
Nor does checking me out from ten feet away like I can't see you work on me. I'm not that desperate, dear.
Nor am I living in denial. Or at least, I wouldn't appear to be if total acceptance had any benefits, which it so does not appear to. Because friends are like that. They tease you for the rest of the world to see and hear just because your reactions are so irresistibly cute everyone should see them.
To tell the truth, I never really did deny anything as far as I can remember. But that doesn't mean I have to confirm what everybody's saying. And so I won't. Even if my darlings have made sure everyone we know are at least aware of the situation. *Very, very annoyed glare.
If you're going to skulk behind me, either wallow in jealously or graciously accept having to bear something out of your reach. And you, forgive for me being led to believe that you're just kidding yourself when you say you're over me. I'm probably wrong.
And you. Do us both a favour and stop being the idiot she keeps branding you.

There's only one Reason I Should Have You.

And that's if you think you should have me too.

(But...it's too late to edit it and no way am I re-PDF-ing the entire file.)

for the last time before i come back. (edited.)

"Dear Lord, please help us to enjoy our PMR - "
"WHAAT?!"
" - because when we apply for a job and walk into that interview, our employer is not going to care how many A's we get for PMR or how many A's we get for SPM. All he's going to care about is our A-level results. So Lord, help us enjoy PMR while we still can."
"Amen to that."
- Steven and us.

It won't be the end of the world if I get more than a couple of B's or have to study sub-science or arts. Because considering my college and career preferences, I'd be wasting just as much time studying economics as I would be studying biology.
I don't believe I'm actually revising. This feels ridiculous.
Maybe I'm just a little too overconfident that the PMR marking standard is low enough for me.
Which is why I should be studying for Science Paper 2. Because they just had to pick the hardest topics this year. =.="
*sighs* I've lost count of how many more days we have left toof freedom.How thoughtful of them to release our results on Boxing Day. Because it would, you know, be rude for parents to take Christmas gifts back from their kids who don't score straight A's or whatever was expected of them.
But that would be the day before the JYM Christmas party. =.=""
I had better get straight A's or else.
Just a little lest than a week and it'll all be OVER.


"I'm not shy. I just don't like you." - Zachary's shirt
"When God made me, he was just showing off." - Bejamin's shirt
"Friends don't let friends talk to ugly guys." - I-don't-remember-who's shirt


Aaron (LXT), I know you wanted a 500-word post, but...I'm sure if I posted everything I had planned to post about the Malaysia-Singapore food origin fued, the Malaysia-Indonesia cultural feud, how I believe 1Malaysia is just an over-commercialized political scam, how everything in our country is so corrupted and the recent natural disasters in Padang, Samoa, Vietnam and the Philipines, I'm sure I would:
a) get arrested for juvenile deliquency under the charge that I was abusing my freedom of speech, or
b) cross the word limit.
So. They'll just have to wait for 'til my PMR days are over okay. X)

Li Hui's goldfish banged its head against the glass walls of its aquarium due to emo-ness and died.

Ouch. Don't you dare make the same mistake.

I had a lot more to say on that, but I'm already being shoved off my chair in favour of my sister who, after spending the whole day on Farmville, forgot about her KH homework. =.="

By the way...

LIMAU. It's the new XD.

just a little girl lost in the moment.

Tell me.
What kind of retarded person doesn't want to fight for an extra two percent to get an A on three subjects?
What kind of retarded person thinks she doesn't deserve the A's she got?
What kind of retarded person, upon getting the highest marks in English (and creaming Danush by just one percent) asks Miss Ann to cut marks on what she believes was not such a perfectly awesome essay?
Um, that would be me. A total retard if there ever was one.
My brain is just about as unbalanced as my hair.
21 more days to PMR. 28 more days to freedom.
But I'm not that impatient. I can wait.
Especially if the 3rd training camp is going to clash with the Taekwondo accademy camp.
I did want to post everything I thought about during the math paper two earlier, but...I just can't remember it all. It was too philosophical to keep in my brain. *sighs.* Love is to each man his own.
Mmhmm.
Everyone makes mistakes. It's just too bad that you were one of mine.
Unless you care to prove me wrong.
Have you ever wondered what it takes to make me lose my temper? Sometimes I wonder too.
Because, as a result of being the subject of persistent bullying and annoyance and occasionally under high levels of pressure, I feel extremely immune to being severely pissed off at anything.
I dare you to test this theory.

I have got to refrain from writing so much and start studying something useful.
But regardless of my stunning writing skills, I still don't think I deserve what I got for my essay.

If you were between pathetic and wise, I couldn't decide.

I. Feel. Very. Uninspired.
Actually, I feel like studying history.
Right after exams.
When I have every right to be enjoying just a little bit of freedom at least.
But it appears that every subject I put so much effort into studying are the ones I get the most mistakes for. Like geography. Science. History. And vice versa. So there's really no point studying them anymore, right?
My brain is just slightly unbalanced. And very, very unpractical, I've come to realize. X)

=)
I still remember like, what, ten years ago when I couldn't get enough of the book? =) And I just wouldn't stop borrowing it from the elementary section of the ICS library. X) The trailer was just too tempting. I have to watch it. =)
Imagine what would happen it rained roti canai or we were caught in a storm of satay. XD Cloudy with a Chance of Nasi Lemak: The Malaysian Twist. XD


And this. =) Before I get too tempted into buying the book. =)

Sometimes, I wonder whether I'll regret posting the things I feel like posting. So I just don't. :)

the rain falls, a tear falls, my hand falls as it strums the guitar.

I didn’t even know I’d become so jaded.
I didn’t even know I’d been putting up so many defences.
I never realized I’d let my guard down.
But that was the second I became vulnerable again.

I used to be a lot less dependent. Until one day, someone asked me, (with good intentions I’m sure, but I suppose she didn’t know me that well) what about what I wanted?
Until then, I’d never wanted it. Even though it was all everyone else wanted. Back then, I knew it was a complete waste of time. I knew it wasn’t worth the effort; it wasn’t worth the pain.
But I guess I just forgot.
Lord. How could I be so stupid to forget?
So I foolishly changed my mind. I foolishly wanted what I knew was going to waste me anyway.
I thought it would be different this time. But, you know, it wasn't.

So if I'm not as nice and uncynical as I used to be, please excuse me.
I don't think I was ever really that nice in the first place anyway. X)

But I've learnt.
That I should listen to only my most trustworthy of seniors and not to my friends because they're even more clueless than I am. XD
No offence. It's just that my level of advice requirement is like, over your heads.

There are times I read blogs that relate to me even if the author doesn't know I'm reading it.
There are times it's just exactly what I needed.

Sometimes, what everyone else is isn't what you should be. What they want, it just shouldn't be what you should be want.

Because wanting something needs so much hope, it isn't easy to be disappointed. So make sure you're wanting what's right. Make sure you've got enough faith to last you to run, because it's going to be a long one. Make sure, even if you never get what you want, it's a desire that's going to build you up instead of tear you down.

But don't let go just because it's going to be difficult. There are times the hope, the wait, the gruelling endurance is so worth it. :)