Departure

She sat facing the glowing skyline. It was beautiful. It was all beautiful.
But she could not see it.
She sat, eyes unfocused, mind in a distant field.
"Little lady?" he called. She didn't answer, but he knew. They both knew. He threw his legs over the ledge beside hers and they both sat in the calm, contemplative peace of the settling sun.
Then she said, "I failed."
"No you haven't. Not yet," he quipped.
"It would be different," she replied, "if I were getting up again."
"You are up."
"Not up in that direction." She sighed. "I don't know - I don't remember how I use to be, but I don't think I can be that anymore."
"But you don't have to be..." He paused for search of a better word. "This."
She shrugged. "But I've decided to be."
He looked at her sadly. They were still, both for a time.
"I might," she voiced haltingly, "change my mind."
He looked up with the slightest flicker of hope.
"In time."
It blew out.
"Will it be soon enough?"
"Let us - we must - pray so."
His forehead creased into a frown. "I will pray, little lady," he said. Her lips twitched.
And since it was the truth, and nothing else need be said for she had said all she had to and he had listened as he was obliged, he pulled back his legs and left.
And she, leaving the blank pages of prayers on the table, crawled into her bed and pulled the covers up over her head.

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Departure

"Let her go," he said calmly, tugging her away. She blanched, but did not move any further towards her. He maintained his grip on her arm, but his frowned deepened and he looked instead at the other girl as he continued, "She'll survive."

And with that, he let go of her.

She stood up straight and nodded, pushing her soft hair from her face. Her eyes bore a look of deep sadness. "I know," she answered. "She is."

And with that, they both turned and left, leaving her. Alone.

Of All Intentions

SHE was crying. Again. She’d be crying a lot recently. Crying and pulling and kicking and screaming. The other two stared at her disinterestedly as saline NaCl streamed down her cheeks in liquid form. She looked from one to the other, pleading almost. He turned away, disgusted and she could only follow suit. She’d had enough of her faint-heartedness. She looked up at him for reassurance and the piteous, crying figure faded away.


They were alone. It had been a long, long time.


They let the silence wash over them, not breathing a word as the let their base emotions spill over their mental, emotional and spiritual bond. She used to think it was awkward, frightening even, when it was just the both of them. But now they were just together. Not comfortable. Not anything. Just together.


It was silent but she could feel what he was thinking. Stronger. The end justifies the means.


Pengayuh sayang dibasahkan, sampan takkan sampai ke seberang.


She was not idiot enough to let the hydrochloric acid sneak back up her oesophagus and kill more than just the microorganisms and bacteria in her stomach while providing an acidic medium for the enzymes pepsin and rennin to act. But she was had more self-control than that.


He knew it. He knew everything about her the way she’d done, she just couldn’t understand anymore the way he never used to understand.


She looked down at her arms and after all these months, the marks were still visible. Did the end really justify the means? But she knew the answer to that: it was the same answer to what she was doing.


There are many, many words for murder.


Use them.

Open Fire

THEY were alone. It had been some time since they were this way, but now that they were she couldn’t remember them ever not being so. She stared at her own fingers on the table, waiting. Across the table sat another girl leaning back in her seat and staring at the table as well, lips a straight, thoughtful line.


‘What do you reckon?’ the other one asked without looking up.


‘Reckon I’m not as scared as I should be,’ she replied. She stared at the girl.


‘What do I do with you?’ It was more of a sigh than a question. The girl turned to face her and she realized for the first time how beat her face looked. In all the turmoil of the past few months, she hadn’t had the time to pause and listen to the emotions of anyone else. Nor had the other girl ever had time to sit still and recollect how she herself felt.


‘Stop me,’ she answered straightforwardly. No pretence.


A moment’s pause, and then –


‘I’m terrified.’


‘Me too.'


‘You sure don’t look it.’ The eyes shifted to meet hers.


‘How can I? I chose this, didn’t I? I’m the one living it. What would it make me to fear my own decisions?’ She looked down, wondering. What would it make her?


‘Not as much of a coward as you would be if you couldn’t face them.’ She waited as the other girl hesitated. Then, ‘You can face them, you know.’


‘I know. And I know I won’t lose. I can’t. Not for the sake of my family or my friends or the millions of other like people out there. I just…can’t.’ She looked up. ‘You get it?’


The girl nodded. ‘Because of him.’


She sighed. ‘I don’t want to do this.’


‘I wish I could just not let you.’


‘I wish I could let you just not let me.’


The other pair of brown eyes bored into her intently. ‘You don’t mean that.’ She breathed in for a moment and conceded. ‘No, I wouldn’t.’ She watched a tear roll down the other girl’s cheek.


‘Please don’t do this.’


She felt like a mirror now, resistance flowing liquid from her eyes, too. ‘I can’t help it.’


‘You can.’


‘Not now.’


‘Then when? You know it’s only going to get harder to stop once it gets more frequent.’


‘I know. That’s what we came up with the last time, remember? And I pulled out of that one all right.’


Another sigh came from across the table. ‘Hate to break it to you, but you can’t pull out of everything “all right” just because you think you can, kid.’


Her brows knitted into a frown as she thought deeply.


‘Just be with me, alright?’ She could here him coming back. Both of them could. The girl on the opposite side nodded a second time and said, ‘I’m always here, even when you don’t need me.’ Then she pushed herself away from the table and made to stand up. She rose, too, tucking her chair neatly below the table. Propriety wasn’t something she could ignore, even in these times. The other girl started walking away.


‘You were right, though,’ said the girl, stopping in her tracks. She looked up questioningly as the other turned around.


‘What about?’


‘The battle. You were right when you said it was far from over.’


A memory flicked through her head. ‘The war’s just begun,’ she whispered despite herself. The sound of a third person’s footsteps echoed through their scene. The other girl gave smiled ever so slightly as she turned away again.


‘So it has. Don’t forget your armour.’