Hey

I couldn't tell you the truth. I just couldn't. How would you respond, I wonder, if you knew the kind of girl people thought me to be? I know it probably wouldn't bother you. But it bothers me. I fear my past. You came to college to create a new you - the kind of person I used to be. I came to college to create a new me, too - the kind of person you used to be.

I pushed you away because I felt and still feel bloody uncomfortable with topic, alright. I can't handle it. And it makes me irrational and unreasonable. I am sorry. I just really don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to think about it. But of course, the things you don't want to think about are often the things you think about the most.

I suppose I should embrace it and just move on. I mean, you did. But I don't know if I can do that. I don't know how. I don't know if I want to be myself anymore.

And YOU! BAAA. I miss you guys so bad. I still disagree with nearly every darn thing you guys are doing. But I have figured this is not the way to live my life. I am depressed. I am actually relating to Thomas Hardy very well - not just understanding him, but relating to him - which is bad. I am having withdrawal symptoms after two long years.

Actually, I'm having withdrawal from myself. College is doing weird things to me. I'm not being myself.
I haven't been myself for a long time.