i'll get those trophies one day. X) when you're gone.

It doesn't matter.
That this is the reason of all the worry, headaches and stress in my life.
That this is why my heart would cry me to sleep every night if my body weren't too exhausted to keep my awake.
That if it weren't for this I wouldn't be falling sick every school holidays.
That if it weren't for this I'd have actual holidays.
That sometimes I hate my commitment so bad I feel like just quitting and leaving and never showing my face there again.
It doesn't matter. Because I know it'll be worth it.
Not the stage glamour. Not the being able to be driven out to dinner and lunch everyday. Not the being able to get out of my house. Not the knowledge and wisdom and experience I'll gain from it.
It's the fact that they are my second family, and that this is the family God is going to use to touch hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of life repeatedly.
That's the worth of it.

Oh, Lord. I'm so tired. I just want to rest. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Rest. But no, it will never come with the desire to do Your will.
So I'll just have to deal with it, won't I?

I found my answers to my own questions and quests.
This is scaring me.
Heck, everything is scaring me.
Like being "older". Realising. Knowing. "Seeing". "Observing". No, I don't like those words. I like "sensing". Mine. :) But I guess everyone has their way of describing it. Or at least, everyone who knows what I'm talking about does.
So elite. But you aren't elite unless you've paid the price, the cost of carrying that responsibility.
It's like truth. Terrible and beautiful at the same time.
It's like you. Terrible and beautiful at the same time.
It's like all my problems. Terrible, but when you look at it carefully, placed in such a situation that it resounds in such stunning beauty.

Bad Sammie, bad Sammie! Tsk. What were you thinking? Blogging. While you could have been editting your script, or packing, or sleeping, or eating more Tiger biscuits. Or finding a cure to the terrible pain in your throat. Or changing all the mp3 files to audio since he burned it in mp3. Or downloading more "answers". Bad Sam. Bad.

My conscience is nagging me to make better use of my resources. Ish.

I'm not ready! But you better be!